We Used To Get On Fine
by WriterEm
Summary: Liz has a realisation after leaving TGS
1. We Used To Get On Fine

When Lemon had told Jack that she was marrying Wesley he had mocked her. After she begged him to be please for her, or at least act pleased, he refused. The one moment, where she had said "Please Jack, just... can't you pretend that you're happy for me? That you support me?" and he had said "Lemon, I can't watch you settle for someone so beneath you. At least Dennis had good teeth. No Englishman has good dental healthcare", had changed everything between the two of them.

He refused to have anything to do with the wedding; every time she brought it up he would leave the room or pretend to take a phone call. She could handle it; after all, she had refused to acknowledge many aspects of his life during their friendship. However, when on the day of her wedding he didn't even come, it was the final straw for her. There were some things friendships couldn't survive, and for her, this was the breaking point. She had watched him lead along two women, she had made out with Devon for his sake, she had done a lot for him, and when he couldn't even manage one thing for her... It was over.

Not long after the wedding she left TGS; the show was likely to get axed soon anyway so she jumped ship early. Wesley worked whilst she began writing her second book and more importantly to her, on getting pregnant. Sex with Wesley was... well... it was sex with Wesley. She was still indifferent to the act itself, and in all honesty if anyone was to break her of the indifference it would not be Wesley. Whilst he groped at her breasts she made half hearted sounds of approval, and when he came she thanked God and pushed his pale sweaty body to the side as quickly as possible.

She kept in contact with Jenna, and emailed Pete after every airing, she even watched every one of Tracy's movies. At the end of the season she was invited to the staff party, she went. Jack did not. She didn't know how to feel. All she knew was that she missed him. She missed having a person to go to. She had no one to tell that her husband was a complete jerk. She had no one to confide in that she thought that she had made a mistake in marrying him. She had no one to tell that every time she had sex with her husband she felt like a little part of her got broken.

She had no one.

Before Jack she'd had Pete and Jenna, but no one had been the friend that Jack had been. And without him she was wallowing.

Her second book was turning into an unplanned autobiography. It was like she was writing down everything she wished she could tell Jack. She'd married Wesley in the hopes that she'd finally have the family she'd always secretly wanted. But two years after getting married she wasn't pregnant. Her and Wesley weren't even speaking let alone having sex.

Sitting at her computer and staring at her what she'd written so far she realised maybe she hadn't fallen in love with anyone when she'd been friends with Jack purely because she'd been in love with him all along.


	2. I Guess I Only Have Myself To Blame

Jack Donaghy prided himself on being above friends, he had no need for them. Instead he surrounded himself with followers and admirers. When he was promoted to Head of East Coast Television and Microwave Programming, this changed. Meeting Liz Lemon changed everything. Lemon didn't admire him, and she was far too familiar with him in such a short space of time to be regarded as merely a passing acquaintance. After their first meeting he'd thought that he'd never met anyone quite like her in his life, he'd quickly come to realise that this was because there was no one else quite like her in the world. Lemon opened up a host of opportunities for him. He confided in her and she in turn confided in him, allowing him to encourage her to aspire to be more than what she was.

When she told him she was marrying Wesley, he had laughed. When she'd said that she was being serious he had shaken his head and stepped back from her, telling her that he couldn't stand by and watch her throw her life away on Wesley. He'd spent 4 years trying to convince her to aim higher and there she was settling for someone like Wesley, the epitome of an English Twit.

It amazed him how their 4 year old friendship dissolves so much faster than it had evolved. One moment she's coming into his office every 5 minutes and the next she's absent. Weeks after she marries Wesley, Jonathon hands him her resignation. Jack accepts. Two weeks after that she's gone from TGS and then gone from his life. There's no texts, no emails, no calls.. No visits.

He's not lonely without her, he likes to remind himself of this. Because really.. He may not have friends but he has admirers right? And girlfriends. He and Avery split up a few weeks after Liz leaves, but he's ok with that because there are so many young attractive females for him to share his evenings and weekends with.

He also spends more time on Floor 6 than before, which is a little strange because you would have thought he'd spend less time there seeing as he can't stand half the people that work there. But perhaps it's because he knows without the presence of Lemon it's far more likely that the writers, Tracy and Jenna are running wild. It's definitely not due to the likelihood of overhearing any of them talking about Liz, because he doesn't care right?

But when he hears Pete and Frank talking about the end of season after party, Jenna chimes in that Liz will be attending it, he decides he won't be there. Without Lemon at the helm, TGS is likely to be cancelled so he figures he might as well let them have this one last thing. Plus running into Lemon would be awkward and he has enough awkward encounters with women as it is.

Surprisingly it's Jonathon who informs him that Lemon has a new book out. Of course he says it snidely and disdainfully and Jack just nods and hums in an appropriation of a sound of agreement. An hour later finds him out of the office and in the local bookshop picking up a copy. He sneaks it back into his office, telling Jonathon to hold all calls and slumps on to the couch with it. Liz Lemon is embossed in Yellow on the front of the black cover, and he smiles, glad she's not written under Liz Snipes.

He expects the book to be a sequel to Dealbreakers but a page in he realises it's not. 160 pages later and he's totally sure it's not a sequel. It's nothing like he'd think she would write. It's personal and honest, it's funny, of course, but it's dark and deep and human. And he speeds through the book, recognising some of the stories from her childhood, and some from TGS.

It's the last chapter however that has him sitting on the sofa an hour after finishing reading it.

'When I got married I thought I was really doing the right thing. I know that I had decided pretty late in life that I wanted a family but Jack had always told me that I could achieve anything. Until he said that I didn't think I had it in me to be a mother, but for some reason his belief prompted me to believe in myself. I started adoption agencies the day after he told me, even though it never worked out. Meeting Wesley however made me think that maybe I had a shot at the whole thing, marriage, kids, everything. He said he wanted a family too so I though, there we go. I did what I thought most people did, I settled for someone who shared a common goal.

In reality though, a marriage based on settling isn't a real marriage. Before the wedding Wesley annoyed me, he irritated me and I hated him. Afterwards it was the same. By the time we'd been married a year I realised it wasn't going to work out, partly because I wasn't in love with Wesley and partly because I am in love with someone. Someone that isn't my husband.

When I realised I wanted kids, I only pictured myself with them because I thought that I would never be able to meet a man. After Wesley I realised that it's possible I could get a man. When we started trying for a baby I started picturing me and a family, finally. I saw me, a baby, and a man. Not Wesley. When I picture the future now, I don't see Wesley at all. I see some who tries to make me try and be a better me. Someone who doesn't try and change me, just encourages me to be myself, to be happy. Who makes me think more of myself, to be more confident in my decisions. And although I know I have no chance with being with the man I love, I suddenly realised I shouldn't stay being married and miserable with Wesley. So here I am. I'm divorce, single, and not pregnant, and in love with a man that will never love me back. A man who is most probably married to the beautiful blonde lady he was dating when I last saw him. Most probably living with her and their perfect baby and not even noticing that I'm not around anymore. And even though I haven't spoken to him in a year, or seen him, I know that I love him. I'm surer of that than anything else in my life. And I know I'm most probably going to love him forever. Even though we barely hugged, and we never kissed, I still know that I'm in love with him.

I guess it's too late now, but at least I know. Because that's something right? That's an accomplishment. And I am working on being happy, because writing this I've realised I haven't been happy for a long time. And yes I'm terribly scared being old and suddenly divorced, but I know that I made the right the decision leaving Wesley.

I'm sure of something at least. Finally.'

He stares at the word 'Finally' for an hour. Until his eyes are watering and hurting and he can't really see the word at all. He closes the book and chucks it on the couch next to him, pushing himself to his feet. He crosses the room and stares out at the city.

He wonders how he could have missed what Lemon felt for him. Perhaps he was too busy criticising her, and running around with Avery, and Nancy, and Elisa before that, and in fact, he'd always been running around. Yet Lemon was always there, when he need her she was there, and Lemon always made time for him. And if she had needed him and he was busy he wouldn't hesitate to shut her down. He'd kept on trying to build her up yet, not even realising he was just walking all over her.

He turns a pours a shot of whiskey quickly downing it. He doesn't know if he loves her, but he knows he misses her and he's actually really fucking lonely and he's been a complete and utter prick.

At least he's realised something.


	3. All Those Things People Used To Say

When Liz's publishers suggest a book tour, she's totally against it. Her agent David believes it to be a great idea though, and with the lure of food he manages to convince her that a book tour would be a way for her to shake her post divorce blues. She agrees, not because she has post divorce blues because she totally doesn't, but because it's far easier to ignore the answer machine messages from her Mom when she's in a totally different state to her phone.

It's a 12 week tour, three months on the road, falling over the summer. A week into the tour she decides that tours are really not her thing. The only part of it she's actually enjoying is the fact that room service and pay-per-view is getting paid for by the publishers. The interrogation she receives from virtual strangers each day is really not her idea of fun. Until she arrives back in New York and realises that she'd had it pretty easier up until then. Because New Yorkers do not hold back, they don't care about invading into her life, they're blunt and ask the personal questions.

She eyes the crowd warily, noting the hungry look in their eyes. She reflects that writing an autobiography wasn't such a good idea. It sold surprisingly well, she suspects the Dealbreakers following bought it, and people who thought it would offer an insight into Tracy Jordan. Putting her personal life in the public domain, she realises, means fielding questions about it. And the New Yorkers that bought her book are totally dogged in their questioning style.

"How's life without Wesley?" A pale overweight woman asks from the front row.

"Um, well... Of course any divorce or break up it hard, it's devastating but, I'm ok thank you."

"Don't you feel guilty? He married you thinking you loved him and you pull the rug from underneath him, because you're in love with someone else?"

"Whoa. Well, I. No, I mean. I mean, yes, but, he didn't really love me either so..."

"Are you dating?" the woman asks, leaning forwards in her seat and scrutinising her.

"What the what? No!"

"So you broke Wesley's heart and you're not even with the man you claim you're in love with?"

"Um, well, ok. No. I'm not, I don't think I'm ever going to be with Jack. I just, um, anyone else have a question?"

An older woman, with grey hair, raises her arm.

"Yes?"

"What are your plans now?" she asks. She looks kindly and reminds Liz of a typical TV grandmother.

"To head home, air my apartment and order a pizza." Liz grins.

"I meant in life." The reply is filled with disdain and makes the smiles drop from Liz's face.

"Well." She coughs. "I know. I was joking. Life, well, um, I guess I plan on renovating my apartment and writing a new book. Oh, and looking into adoption."

"Why not use a sperm donor?"

"Wow, you are blunt." Liz says shaking her head slightly, "I'd rather adopt because there's so many kids out there that are just waiting for a loving family. Plus, my ex-boyfriend used to donate sperm in New York Sperm Banks and I do not want to risk getting impregnated by his sperm."

"You went out with many men you didn't love and want children with then?" the woman replies looking fairly disgusted and Liz just shrinks back into her seat.

She answers the next half hours questions with her eyes on the floor in front of her, refusing to look at the crowd. The questions get progressively worse and by the end of the session she's practically leaping from her chair to run out back to where David's waiting for her.

"That was horrific." She says, slinging on her coat and picking up her bag.

"At least it's over! Tours complete, congratulations Liz!" He smiles, wrapping his arms around her in a hug.

"Thanks, I can't say I'm upset it's over."

"You did great Liz. Don't worry. Book sales have jumped in response."

"Well that's great for synergy and... economics." She says.

David looks at her strangely and nods, "Right, well, I'll call you tomorrow, and we'll talk over a few things you've been offered.

"Yes, we will strategise tomorrow, good night David."

"Night Liz."

She hails a cab and returns to her apartment. Whilst she was married to Wesley they'd rented the apartment out, and she'd only returned to it for a month before the book tour. She opens all the windows, letting the air in since she'd been on the road 3 months.

She calls the pizza place down the street and Juan informs her that her usual will be delivered within half an hour, plus a free side of garlic bread because he'd missed her.

When she's sat in front of the TV 20 minutes later, with the pizza box open in front of her, she can't help but to think back to before she'd married Wesley when she'd spent many evenings on her own eating pizza.

She hated to think that she was back to where she started, and this time, Jack-less.


	4. The Way Of You And Me

Like usual, when he finds himself confronted by a situation of confusion thanks to the opposite sex, he reacts by finding another woman. It's a kind of self destructive behaviour because it really only compounds his sense of confusion by adding more trouble to it. He supposes that there was a short time where he wouldn't run away to have meaningless sex with a one night stand, instead he'd run to Lemon. However seeing as he is no longer speaking to Lemon he finds himself running to a blonde supermodel that may or may not have a surname which rhymes with Glum. (It may, because it does rhyme with Glum. And she's married. Who knew he had the power to make a supermodel cheat on her husband? A husband with a ridiculous animal name and some sort of addiction to impregnating Glum...)

Anyway, Jack invites Glum back to his apartment because really, her place is not an option (the husband) and he proceeds to have sex with her. Luckily, because although he'd never admit it aloud he is getting old and isn't as energetic as he once was, she does most of the work, or rather all of it, but she doesn't seem to mind. In fact she doesn't really look his way, just keeps bobbing on top of him, her blonde hair flying about. This should be hot, it should be consuming all of his attention, and yet.. And yet he finds himself thinking about someone else. Something that has never happened to him before, except for the times he purposely thinks about Dick Cheney in order to prevent an incident of premature ejaculation. And he definitely didn't envisage himself thinking about Lemon whilst he's having sex with a supermodel. But he does think about her, he pictures her face above him, her brown hair flying about, and his hands on her skin. His hips jerk involuntarily hard when he thinks about his hands being on Lemons skin, on her breasts, and then Glum's clenching around him (her muscles are surprisingly tight for someone whose had so many children) and then he's coming. By the time he stops panting Glum has already left the bed and is starting to dress, and then quickly leaves. He should feel insulted yet, he doesn't, he feels relieved. Because he feels like he's about to have a heart attack, and he feels like he's actually in the middle of some sort of midlife crisis. He has enough whiskeys to send him into a sleep.

He wakes the next morning from the worst night's sleep he's had in years and decides that he has to do something, make a change, because the first thing he thinks of is Lemon. He eats breakfast and wonders what Lemon would think about his choice of pancakes and bacon. He spends the journey to work talking to his driver because every time his mind drifts it drifts to Lemon. Arriving at work he sits in his office for 10 minutes before having to leave, he journeys to the writer's room because he figures that'll be the loudest place able to take his mind away from Lemon. He tells Pete that he's there to see how the writers are coping with out Lemon. He soon realises that Jenna and Tracy frequent the writer's domain surprisingly often, and they don't seem to annoy the writers, if anything they inspire more ideas. Being in the writers room goes well until Lutz decides to make what seems like the 200th Fart joke. It all goes downhill from there as Frank then decides to take his pants off for no reason and Jack realises that he can't live like this. He decides to ask Tracy for his advice because for all his idiocy there have been an overwhelming number of times where his advice has been quite helpful.

It's with that last thought in mind that he steps into Tracy's dressing room. He nods his head at Griss and DotCom and they make a quick exit.

"What's up Jackie D?" Tracy asks as his entourage leaves.

"I have a situation Tracy. A love problem."

"Oh right, well then the Love Doctor is in."

"Er, right. This stays between us right?"

"Sure thing!"

"Ok, well, it's Lemon."

"Lemon? Liz Lemon?"

"Yes"

"Wait. Crazy white chick Liz Lemon?"

Jack inhaled sharply. "Yes Tracy. That Liz Lemon."

"Whoa Jackie D, that is heavy. She is...she's crazy."

"Thank you."

"No, wait I'm sorry, what do you need the love doctor for?"

"Well the thing is I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm in love with her or not. Because she's not the sort of woman I usually see. She's pretty much the opposite. It's just she's Lemon, and there's so many women who are not Lemon's. Women who, say, model lingerie for a living. Women much more compatible with me."

"Jack, I want to talk serious for a minute. My Angie is not a stripper, so when I met her I didn't want to take her round the back of the school and impregnate her, but then one night she helped me out and LONG STORY! But I realised that she's beautiful in a different way Jack. She may not be a model but she's amazing. And that's what's important Donaghy, that's why I've never cheated on her, because she's different. DIFFERENT. Different is what you need, someone who knows you and your wardrobe of high heels."

Jack can't speak for a moment, trying to formulate a response to the most unclear explanation which somehow he completely understands and suddenly realises exactly what he's supposed to do.


End file.
